"I've watched through his eyes, I've listened through his ears, and tell you he's the one. Or at least as close as we're going to get.”
«Я видел его глазами, слышал его ушами. И говорю вам — он тот самый. Или, по крайней мере, максимально близкий к идеалу».
"That's what you said about the brother.”
«То же самое ты говорил о его брате».
"The brother tested out impossible. For other reasons. Nothing to do with his ability.”
«Брат не подошел. По другим причинам. Не из-за способностей».
"Same with the sister. And there are doubts about him. He's too malleable. Too willing to submerge himself in someone else's will.”
«И сестра тоже. А с ним не все ясно. Слишком податлив. Слишком готов подчиниться чужой воле».
"Not if the other person is his enemy.”
«Не если эта воля исходит от врага».
"So what do we do? Surround him with enemies all the time?”
«И что нам делать? Постоянно окружать его врагами?»
"If we have to.”
«Если понадобится».
"I thought you said you liked this kid.”
«Мне казалось, ты симпатизируешь этому мальчишке».
"If the buggers get him, they'll make me look like his favorite uncle.”
«Если жукеры достанут его, они заставят меня выглядеть его любимым дядюшкой».
"All right. We're saving the world, after all. Take him.”
«Ладно. В конце концов, мы спасаем мир. Бери его».
The monitor lady smiled very nicely and tousled his hair and said, "Andrew, I suppose by now you're just absolutely sick of having that horrid monitor. Well, I have good news for you. That monitor is going to come out today. We're going to just take it right out, and it won't hurt a bit.”
Женщина из мониторинга мило улыбнулась, взъерошила его волосы и сказала: «Эндрю, наверное, ты уже ужасно устал от этого противного монитора. У меня хорошие новости: сегодня мы его снимем. Просто достанем, и это совсем не больно».
Ender nodded. It was a lie, of course, that it wouldn't hurt a bit. But since adults always said it when it was going to hurt, he could count on that statement as an accurate prediction of the future. Sometimes lies were more dependable than the truth.
Эндер кивнул. Конечно, это была ложь — что не больно. Но так взрослые всегда говорили, когда больно будет. Значит, это точное предсказание. Иногда ложь надежнее правды.
"So if you'll just come over here, Andrew, just sit right up here on the examining table. The doctor will be in to see you in a moment.”
«Пройди сюда, Эндрю, садись на стол. Сейчас придет врач».
The monitor gone. Ender tried to imagine the little device missing from the back of his neck. I'll roll over on my back in bed and it won't be pressing there. I won't feel it tingling and taking up the heat when I shower.
Монитора не станет. Эндер попытался представить, как исчезнет устройство у него на шее. Смогу переворачиваться в постели без этого давления. Не буду чувствовать покалывание, когда вода в душе нагреет его.
And Peter won't hate me anymore. I'll come home and show him that the monitor's gone, and he'll see that I didn't make it, either. That I'll just be a normal kid now, like him. That won't be so bad then. He'll forgive me that I had my monitor a whole year longer than he had his. We'll be-- not friends, probably. No, Peter was too dangerous. Peter got so angry. Brothers, though. Not enemies, not friends, but brothers-- able to live in the same house. He won't hate me, he'll just leave me alone. And when he wants to play buggers and astronauts, maybe I won't have to play, maybe I can just go read a book.
И Питер перестанет ненавидеть. Вернусь домой, покажу, что монитора нет. Он поймет: я тоже не прошел. Стану обычным, как он. Тогда все наладится. Простит, что монитор был на год дольше. Мы будем… не друзьями, нет. Питер слишком опасен. Но братьями. Не врагами, не друзьями — просто братьями, живущими под одной крышей. Не будет ненавидеть, просто оставит в покое. А когда захочет играть в жукеров и астронавтов, может, я смогу не участвовать — пойти почитать.
But Ender knew, even as he thought it, that Peter wouldn't leave him alone. There was something in Peter's eyes, when he was in his mad mood, and whenever Ender saw that look, that glint, he knew that the one thing Peter would not do was leave him alone. I'm practicing piano, Ender. Come turn the pages for me. Oh, is the monitor boy too busy to help his brother? Is he too smart? Got to go kill some buggers, astronaut? No, no, I don't want your help. I can do it on my own, you little bastard, you little Third.
Но Эндер знал: Питер не отстанет. В его глазах был тот безумный блеск, при котором он не оставлял жертву. «Эндер, помоги переворачивать ноты. А, мониторному мальчику некогда? Слишком умный? Летишь жукеров убивать? Нет, не надо. Сам справлюсь, сволочь ты этакая, Третий».
"This won't take long, Andrew," said the doctor.
«Это ненадолго, Эндрю», — сказал врач.
Ender nodded.
Эндер кивнул.
"It's designed to be removed. Without infection, without damage. But there'll be some tickling, and some people say they have a feeling of something missing. You'll keep looking around for something. Something you were looking for, but you can't find it, and you can't remember what it was. So I'll tell you. It's the monitor you're looking for, and it isn't there. In a few days that feeling will pass.”
«Монитор снимается без последствий. Но будет щекотно. Некоторые чувствуют, будто чего-то не хватает. Будешь искать, но не вспомнить что. Это монитор. Через пару дней пройдет».
The doctor was twisting something at the back of Ender's head. Suddenly a pain stabbed through him like a needle from his neck to his groin. Ender felt his back spasm, and his body arched violently backward; his head struck the bed. He could feel his legs thrashing, and his hands were clenching each other, wringing each other so tightly that they ached.
Врач крутил что-то у него на затылке. Вдруг боль пронзила тело, как игла от шеи до паха. Спина свела судорогой, Эндер выгнулся, ударившись головой о стол. Ноги дергались, руки сжимались до боли.
"Deedee!" shouted the doctor. "I need you!" The nurse ran in, gasped. "Got to relax these muscles. Get it to me, now! What are you waiting for!”
— Диди! — закричал врач. — Срочно! Медсестра вбежала, ахнула. — Расслабьте мышцы! Препарат, сейчас же! Чего ждете?
Something changed hands; Ender could not see. He lurched to one side and fell off the examining table. "Catch him!" cried the nurse.
Что-то передали. Эндер не видел. Он дернулся, упал со стола. — Ловите! — крикнула медсестра.
"Just hold him steady.”
— Просто держите!
"You hold him, doctor, he's too strong for me.”
— Доктор, он слишком сильный!
"Not the whole thing! You'll stop his heart.”
— Не всю дозу! Остановите сердце!
Ender felt a needle enter his back just above the neck of his shirt. It burned, but wherever in him the fire spread, his muscles gradually unclenched. Now he could cry for the fear and pain of it.
Игла вонзилась в спину выше воротника. Горело, но огонь расслаблял мышцы. Теперь он мог плакать от страха и боли.
"Are you all right, Andrew?" the nurse asked.
— Эндрю, ты в порядке? — спросила медсестра.
Andrew could not remember how to speak. They lifted him onto the table. They checked his pulse, did other things; he did not understand it all.
Он не мог говорить. Его подняли на стол. Проверили пульс, делали что-то непонятное.
The doctor was trembling; his voice shook as he spoke. "They leave these things in the kids for three years, what do they expect? We could have switched him off, do you realize that? We could have unplugged his brain for all time.”
Дрожащий врач сказал: — Три года носят эти штуки, а потом удивляются! Мы могли его выключить навсегда, понимаете?
"When does the drug wear off?" asked the nurse.
— Когда пройдет действие? — спросила медсестра.
"Keep him here for at least an hour. Watch him. If he doesn't start talking in fifteen minutes, call me. Could have unplugged him forever. I don't have the brains of a bugger.”
— Наблюдайте час. Если через 15 минут не заговорит — зовите. Черт бы побрал этих жукеров…
He got back to Miss Pumphrey's class only fifteen minutes before the closing bell. He was still a little unsteady on his feet.
В класс мисс Памфри он вернулся за 15 минут до звонка. Шел неуверенно.
"Are you all right, Andrew?" asked Miss Pumphrey.
— Эндрю, ты в порядке? — спросила учительница.
He nodded.
Он кивнул.
"Were you ill?”
— Ты заболел?
He shook his head.
Покачал головой.
"You don't look well.”
— Ты плохо выглядишь.
"I'm OK.”
— Все нормально.
"You'd better sit down, Andrew.”
— Садись.
He started toward his seat, but stopped. Now what was I looking for? I can't think what I was looking for.
Он пошел к парте, но остановился. Чего-то не хватает… Не могу вспомнить.
"Your seat is over there," said Miss Pumphrey.
— Твое место там.
He sat down, but it was something else he needed, something he had lost. I'll find it later.
Он сел, но чувство потери не уходило. Найду потом.
"Your monitor," whispered the girl behind him.
— Монитор, — прошептала девочка сзади.
Andrew shrugged.
Эндрю пожал плечами.
"His monitor," she whispered to the others.
— Сняли монитор, — шептались вокруг.
Andrew reached up and felt his neck. There was a bandaid. It was gone. He was just like everybody else now.
Он потрогал шею. Пластырь. Его больше нет. Теперь он как все.
"Washed out, Andy?" asked a boy who sat across the aisle and behind him. Couldn't think of his name. Peter. No, that was someone else.
— Отчислили, Энди? — спросил мальчишка через проход. Не Питер… Стилсон, кажется.
"Quiet, Mr. Stilson," said Miss Pumphrey. Stilson smirked.
— Тихо, мистер Стилсон, — сказала мисс Памфри. Тот усмехнулся.
Miss Pumphrey talked about multiplication. Ender doodled on his desk, drawing contour maps of mountainous islands and then telling his desk to display them in three dimensions from every angle. The teacher would know, of course, that he wasn't paying attention, but she wouldn't bother him. He always knew the answer, even when she thought he wasn't paying attention.
Учительница говорила об умножении. Эндер рисовал на парте горы, превращая их в 3D-модели. Он и так знал ответы.
In the corner of his desk a word appeared and began marching around the perimeter of the desk. It was upside down and backward at first, but Ender knew what it said long before it reached the bottom of the desk and turned right side up.
В углу парты появилось слово, поползшее по краю. Сначала вверх ногами, но Эндер прочел сразу:
THIRD
ТРЕТИЙ
Ender smiled. He was the one who had figured out how to send messages and make them march-- even as his secret enemy called him names, the method of delivery praised him. It was not his fault he was a Third. It was the government's idea, they were the ones who authorized it-- how else could a Third like Ender have got into school? And now the monitor was gone. The experiment entitled Andrew Wiggin hadn't worked out after all. If they could, he was sure they would like to rescind the waivers that had allowed him to be born at all. Didn't work, so erase the experiment.
Он усмехнулся. Это он придумал, как отправлять движущиеся сообщения. Даже оскорбления доказывали его ум. Он не виноват, что Третий. Это правительство разрешило рождение. Теперь монитор сняли — эксперимент «Эндрю Виггин» провалился. Лучше бы его никогда не рожали.
The bell rang. Everyone signed off their desks or hurriedly typed in reminders to themselves. Some were dumping lessons or data into their computers at home. A few gathered at the printers while something they wanted to show was printed out. Ender spread his hands over the child-size keyboard near the edge of the desk and wondered what it would feel like to have hands as large as a grown-up's. They must feel so big and awkward, thick stubby fingers and beefy palms. Of course, they had bigger keyboards-- but how could their thick fingers draw a fine line, the way Ender could, a thin line so precise that he could make it spiral seventy-nine times from the center to the edge of the desk without the lines ever touching or overlapping. It gave him something to do while the teacher droned on about arithmetic. Arithmetic! Valentine had taught him arithmetic when he was three.
Звонок. Все сохраняли данные. Эндер смотрел на маленькую клавиатуру, представляя взрослые руки. Такие неуклюжие… Зато он мог рисовать тончайшие спирали — 79 витков без пересечений. Арифметика? Валентина научила его в три года.
"Are you all right, Andrew?"
— Эндрю, ты в порядке?
"Yes, ma'am.”
— Да.
"You'll miss the bus.”
— Автобус уйдет.
Ender nodded and got up. The other kids were gone. They would be waiting, though, the bad ones. His monitor wasn't perched on his neck, hearing what heard and seeing what he saw. They could say what they liked. They might even hit him now-- no one could see anymore, and so no one would come to Ender's rescue. There were advantages to the monitor, and he would miss them.
Эндер кивнул и встал. Класс опустел. Но они ждали — те, кто похуже. Без монитора можно говорить что угодно. Могут даже ударить — никто не увидит. Преимущества монитора он оценил теперь.
It was Stilson, of course. He wasn't bigger than most other kids, but he was bigger than Ender. And he had some others with him. He always did.
Стилсон, конечно. Не самый крупный, но крупнее Эндера. И не один.
"Hey, Third.”
— Эй, Третий.
Don't answer. Nothing to say.
Молчать. Ответа нет.
"Hey, Third, we're talkin to you, Third, hey bugger-lover, we're talkin to you.”
— Эй, Третий! Говорим с тобой, жукеролюб!
Can't think of anything to answer. Anything I say will make it worse. So will saying nothing.
Молчание не поможет. Но и слова ухудшат.
"Hey, Third, hey, turd, you flunked out, huh? Thought you were better than us, but you lost your little birdie, Thirdie, got a bandaid on your neck.”
— Слышал, Третий, провалился? Думал, ты лучше? Пташка улетела, шею заклеили.
"Are you going to let me through?" Ender asked.
— Пропустите меня.
"Are we going to let him through? Should we let him through?" They all laughed. "Sure we'll let you through. First we'll let your arm through, then your butt through, then maybe a piece of your knee.”
— Пропустить? Сначала руку пропустим, потом задницу, потом коленку…
The others chimed in now. "Lost your birdie, Thirdie. Lost your birdie, Thirdie.”
Хор подхватил: «Пташка улетела, Третий!»
Stilson began pushing him with one hand, someone behind him then pushed him toward Stilson.
Стилсон толкнул его. Кто-то сзади подтолкнул обратно.
"See-saw, marjorie daw," somebody said.
— Качели!
"Tennis!”
— Теннис!
"Ping-pong!”
— Пинг-понг!
This would not have a happy ending. So Ender decided that he'd rather not be the unhappiest at the end. The next time Stilson's arm came out to push him, Ender grabbed at it. He missed.
Хорошего не жди. Эндер решил: лучше он причинит боль, чем ему. В следующий толчок он попытался схватить руку Стилсона. Не вышло.
"Oh, gonna fight me, huh? Gonna fight me, Thirdie?”
— О, драться? Давай, Третий!
The people behind Ender grabbed at him, to hold him.
Его схватили сзади.
Ender did not feel like laughing, but he laughed. "You mean it takes this many of you to fight one Third?”
Эндер засмеялся, хотя не хотел. — Вам столько нужно, чтобы справиться с одним Третьим?
"We're people, not Thirds, turd face. You're about as strong as a fart!”
— Мы люди, не уроды, как ты! Ты слабее пердуна!
But they let go of him. And as soon as they did, Ender kicked out high and hard, catching Stilson square in the breastbone. He dropped. It took Ender by surprise he hadn't thought to put Stilson on the ground with one kick. It didn't occur to him that Stilson didn't take a fight like this seriously, that he wasn't prepared for a truly desperate blow.
Но отпустили. Эндер резко пнул Стилсона в грудь. Тот рухнул. Эндер удивился — не ожидал, что свалит с одного удара. Стилсон не ждал настоящей схватки.
For a moment, the others backed away and Stilson lay motionless. They were all wondering if he was dead. Ender, however, was trying to figure out a way to forestall vengeance. To keep them from taking him in a pack tomorrow. I have to win this now, and for all time, or I'll fight it every day and it will get worse and worse. Ender knew the unspoken rules of manly warfare, even though he was only six. It was forbidden to strike the opponent who lay helpless on the ground; only an animal would do that.
Все замерли. Эндер понял: надо победить сейчас, иначе мстить будут каждый день. По неписаным правилам, бить лежачего нельзя. Только звери так делают.
So Ender walked to Stilson's supine body and kicked him again, viciously, in the ribs. Stilson groaned and rolled away from him. Ender walked around him and kicked him again, in the crotch. Stilson could not make a sound; he only doubled up and tears streamed out of his eyes.
Поэтому Эндер подошел и пнул Стилсона в бок. Тот застонал. Эндер пнул в пах. Стилсон скрутился, плача.
Then Ender looked at the others coldly. "You might be having some idea of ganging up on me. You could probably beat me up pretty bad. But just remember what I do to people who try to hurt me. From then on you'd be wondering when I'd get you, and how bad it would be." He kicked Stilson in the face. Blood from his nose spattered the ground nearby. "It wouldn't be this bad," Ender said. "It would be worse.”
Эндер холодно посмотрел на остальных. — Можете напасть толпой. Изобьете. Но запомните: я мщу жестоко. Будите ждать, когда и как я приду. — Он пнул Стилсона в лицо. Кровь брызнула. — Это еще не самое плохое.
He turned and walked away. Nobody followed him, He turned a corner into the corridor leading to the bus stop. He could hear the boys behind him saying, "Geez. Look at him. He's wasted." Ender leaned his head against the wall of the corridor and cried until the bus came. I am just like Peter. Take my monitor away, and I am just like Peter.
Он ушел. Никто не последовал. За углом, у автобусной остановки, он плакал, пока не пришел автобус. «Я стал как Питер. Без монитора я — Питер».